escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize