Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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