dude i'm inner monologue high
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize