summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
