I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
