I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
