This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize