Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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