super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
