I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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