Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
