please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish i was in the wii world.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
