so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
