too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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