Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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