At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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