Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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