There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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