Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize