His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
