she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
