i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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