tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
