Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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