There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
