that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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