we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will be naked everywhere
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize