Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
