So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
