This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
