I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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