So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
