ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
