The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize