We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize