whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
