she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
