so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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