Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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