so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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