So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
