And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
