somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
