I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
