I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
