I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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