Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
