I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I touched a dick in church today
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
