I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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