I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Congratulations! We have a period
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