he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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