It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
