i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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