i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
