I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
