And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
