Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
