i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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