So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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