I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
