I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
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It's blow job season.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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