Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drunk is a universal language darling
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
