We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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