i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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